:(
Sometimes I feel like no one appreciates me. Not just me, but anything that I do. Now... is one of those times.
October 02, 2007
It's been awhile...
It's been awhile since I've seen this page. I was reminded of it... so I thought I'd come back and compare who I was then and who I am now. As I read over the few entries I did make I can't help but remember the way I felt when I wrote all of those things. I was in pain. It makes me sad to know that I let myself fall so far and so fast. Reading over it makes me feel like I've travelled back in time... You know the feeling. Everything is going wrong in front of the me and I can't do anything to fix it. It's awfully early in the morning...
What I'm writing may not make any sense to me tomorrow. I'm going to stop here.
May 19, 2005
THINGS HAVE CHANGED
Things definitely have changed. I'm HAPPY, for once. It's weird to say this, but I really am. I just need to find that one person I can be happy with. You know, have you ever thought to yourself, if I could just rub against that cute couple on the bus, could I catch that love vibe too? I don't know. Wishful thinking I guess.
P.S. Oh fantasy land....come back to me...
Julz
February 06, 2005
Don't know where I'm headed
Haven't written much for awhile. I've had so much on my plate. I'll sum it up in fifty words or less...but it'll probably end up to be more.
Why are you such a mystery. I'm usually really good at mystery solving, but you're one that I just can't figure out. When I'm with you I feel like I can be myself, but is it weird that I feel like you're not being yourself. When I try to tell you how I feel, the words get stuck in my throat. I don't want to scare you away, but how am I supposed to tell you that I want you to stay. You've got things going on, but I want to be one of them. I hope I didn't do the wrong thing. I feel so confused, I like it but at the same time I don't. I just want to know you -- Is that so much to ask?
Now that I let that out, I can't help but not feel any better... Why do I only get this way with the ones I can't figure out?
January 23, 2005
Things are Fuck-ing Super
I'm so stoned right now I can't even think. I would write something dramatic and "Julie-esque" but right now all I want to do is watch TV chill the hell out. Or maybe not.... someone's at the door! Time to go play ;)
January 17, 2005
What Time is It?
Timing always kicks you in the ass. Things never seem to happen when I want them to, and when they do happen I find I'm never ready for them. I could just be doing this to myself though. There's far too much on my plate and I'm the one going for seconds, and sometimes a third helping. If you haven't figured it out, I'm not talking about food. :P Time is a funny thing though. At times I find I wish it would just stop and sometimes I find myself wishing that time would just move faster. As time passes I'm getting older. I can't wait for things to happen. If I do that, then where would I be. Probably in my room, watching T.V. and wallowing in my own self-pity. This is turning into one of those epiphany speeches, so I'm just going to end this by saying that if I didn't take time, grab it by the neck and give it a good throttling -- I'd probably not be as content with myself as I am at this very moment in time.
January 13, 2005
My 22nd Year
So I'm starting a whole new segment of my life. I don't know where it's going and I don't know what I'm doing, but hopefully things will play themselves out the way I hope they will. If not, well I'll cry about it for about fifteen minutes and continue on. I don't know a lot, but I feel like I do. One of the things I'm sure of is that I can't live in the moment anymore, no matter how nice the moment may be at the time. I can try and make it last, but it never does; so, why would I want to stick around? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, I suppose...but I mean, it was yesterday. There's so many new people and new things happening in my life I feel like my head is spinning off, but the funny thing about it is that I actually kind of like it. As hectic as things are I really need to keep myself busy. Mainly to stop thinking about one thing... because I know it's not thinking about me.
P.S. Thanks Ferrah, It makes me feel better to know that someone can understand how I feel, without being obligated or trying too hard.
January 06, 2005
Just Breathe...
If I don't think I'll be fine, but how do I go to work, do my job and not think about anything when thinking is all there is that I can do? Just let it go, I suppose. If I just didn't think about things so hard, I could just realize that they're not as bad as they seem. I can't help but think they are though. Thinking sucks, why can't I just get my answers now. Where is everyone? I feel so detached from everything I thought I had together.
P.S. whoever "sunshine" is, let yourself be known, I'm tired of the mystery already!
January 05, 2005
Confused?
Why is it that when I think I have something, I find myself later feeling like I don't. I have so much running through my mind right now it's hard to believe that I haven't checked myself in yet. I just don't understand why people don't do what they say and say what they mean. This does not apply to only one specific person or one specific situation, but a few of them are coming to mind. I think it's lack of communication that's getting to me. I guess the world really doesn't revolve around me; however, I find myself wishing that it would -- right now :P
December 31, 2004
Happy?
I've done some really stupid things in the past few days. I think I'm having some kind of an epiphany...or I may just be thinking to hard. At any rate, I have all of these feelings and thoughts that I don't know how to handle. I don't know how I feel and I don't know what to say. All I know is that I feel something that I can't describe. It's something nice, you know. A feeling you want to have. At the same time though, I don't want to feel this way. These feelings never last long -- it's always a countdown before someone or something rips them away from you. What's life without risk though. Who cares...I'll try to feel this way for as long as I can. I like it (right now), I hope it's mutual and I hope it wants to stick around.... Happy New Year (I guess)
